Bulldog surprised when his ball trick works.
Now that I’ve told my ex about what happened and where I am, she’s coming to visit.
I am, of course, happy about this. I have been trying to convince her to take me back for a couple of months, after all.
However… I’m concerned that currently she may be being motivated by pity, as opposed to love/compassion/friendship.
I don’t know what to expect with this visit. I’m fairly confident she doesn’t want what I want, which is rather unfortunate.
I know I want to make some sweet, sweet love to her. I’m not sure how she feels about that. I know she has previously told me that’s not going to happen but for some reason I still think it’s possible. Is this because I’m getting hints that she’s interested or is it due to my craziness?
I love the young lady. I want to be with her. I also want her to be happy, though.
The simple fact that those two are separate is, I suppose, not promising,
I want to spend days with my head between her legs. I want to make her cum again and again and again.
Do I love her or am I just horny? Does she love me?
Fuck, I’m confused, angry, horny, sad and terrified. Not all because of her, though. Blargh.
11d 6h 57m: Red returns to Pallet Town
It’s a little late since by now we’ve already beaten the Elite Four, but I’ve been thinking a lot about Twitch Plays Pokemon since I started following the playthrough. I like to believe Red was given a Charmander as a pre-trained Pokemon to help him/his mom with some badly progressing illness while Oak helped find a cause and/or a treatment. I’d imagine it would have been hard on his mother after he disappeared on his journey, and I like to think it was a really nice moment when he returned home safe and sound before heading off to Cinnabar. Now he’s gone and done what some thought impossible—he’s become the Champion. You did it, Red. We’re all so proud of you.
The picture of my post-blood test arm reminds me of a part of the experience here.
When I first arrived, I had had a few drinks. One question they asked was how many “points” I would have in a standard week. This took some thinking.
1 beer = 1 point. Bottle of wine = 6 points.
Well, a case of beer over the weekend, normally. Plus a 3l box during the week.
Sums up to 48 points in a week.
They thought this was a bit much.
When I saw the doctor for the first time, we discussed this as well as my poor diet over the past few months. He decides I’m an alcoholic.
I’m told I’ll be getting vitamin B injections for the next week, twice a day. One injection, straight vitamin B1 or some such and another cocktail of the others.
I’m also told, that should I experience any sweating, shaking or fever I should let them know instantly because it’s not something I have to suffer through as they have medication to treat it. They were expecting me to go through alcohol withdrawal!
Anyway, what this resulted in was 28 shots in my ass in a week. With 5 different students being brought in on different days to learn how to do it.
3/5 of those students also excelled at hitting nerves, meaning for the majority of my first week I was limping around like Shufflupagus.
I showed them, though, that we Jokumsens are made of tougher stuff. The only sweating I experienced came from side-effects from certain anti-depressants while I was sleeping.
I’d still fucking kill for a beer though.
The result of a nurse taking a blood test from my bicep, as opposed to the standard vein method of extraction.
Could barely use the damn thing for the 24 hours following that test.
So, after my first brain-cooking, things are… different.
Unfortunately, I’m not 100% sure that it was the ECT that actually slowed the “dumb thoughts” for a while. I made the mistake of filling my ex in on all the details the night before, so now I’m in doubt as to whether or not it was that opening up or my lightly fried brain.
This comes after a day with little to no contact with the ex, leaving me in a bit of a slump once again.
Of course, it’s ridiculous to expect the ECT to work instantly, after all the doc thinks I’ll likely need 12-20 of the damn sessions.
It was certainly an interesting experience, though. Being lead off to a room with 5 medical personnel of various specialities and told to lie down. One woman puts a needle into the back of my hand and attaches an O2 monitor. Another woman begins attaching pads to my forehead and behind the ears while a guy starts attaching pads to my chest.
Once all is set and ready to go, they put me to sleep. I wake up fully about 45 minutes later with the most intense pain in my jaw, presumably from clenching my teeth, and a pretty nasty headache.
Quite simple. After a few naps I’m feeling better than I have in weeks.
This morning I experienced an interesting side-effect, though. My neck and shoulders are still astoundingly stiff. Something I wasn’t expecting.
Got at least 2 more of these. In the meantime I’m getting a half dose of the pill they use to put me to sleep when I wake up, rather fucking with my day. Then again, the more time I spend asleep in this place the better, I suppose.
Not exactly like the opportunities for entertainment are endless.
I’m just glad I got the 20GB limit on my cellphone.
As to the stuff with the ex. I avoided telling her about my internment here because I wasn’t sure what I’d be trying to achieve by telling her. I’m still alone in wanting a rekindling of the relationship. I’ve had this a few times before and I just CANNOT wait for her to tell me she’s no longer attracted to me.
Not much of a reason to kill yourself, though.
I’m trying to believe I’m in this place for more than that. Sometimes it’s difficult, though.
As said, I’m returning to that slump. While I may not be constantly assessing my surroundings for possible ways off this mortal coil, I’m still completely unsure of the future.
I feel I’ve fucked up my chances this year at school, which is a real pity as the group of people who asked me to join them for the project looked like mature, responsible and dependable adults. I don’t know how likely I am to get a chance like that again. I’d also have to find something to do in this icy hell hole for the next 10 months. Blargh
I’m just lost. Like a tit I let go of the one person who could really give me some comfort, all because I was an arrogant piece of shit. I can fully understand why she’s not all too interested in seeing me as anything other than a friend. I just want to go down on her until she gets to heaven, then have her fuck my brains out. Then, frankly, cuddle for a long while. That’s not what she wants though. Just sucks.
I still want to die.